| LONDON: Mark Brown formally from Gore, thought he has the London Underground "sussed" until last Sunday's nightmare journey from Kings Cross to Acton Town.
"Maybe it was the nine Fosters I had necked at the Church beforehand" claimed Mark trying to explain his three-hour ordeal. The Church is a regular drinking venue for many young antipodean travelers getting together for a Sunday session. Last seen nipping into the Burger King at Kings Cross station by his mates at approximately 4.30pm, Marks traumatic journey started horribly wrong when he accidentally got on the Northern line as opposed to the much favoured Piccadilly line direct route to Acton town. "I don't know what I was doing, I just wasn't thinking" explained the self confessed "Tube Guru" to his mates back at the Redback Tavern in Acton when he eventually arrived late that evening. Mark's guru like status comes from him claiming he discovered the short cut between the Central line and the south bound Bakerloo and Victoria lines at Oxford Circus. "Whilst traveling south on the Northern line, I had time to readdress my route. I decided to change at Bank and get onto the District line." Mozza "I had a mozza". Mark didn't realise that the District Line didn't run though Bank, but through the adjacent Monument station. "This is a trap for young players" thought Mark as he struggled to make the 10-minute underground walk between stations. "I was in real pain, I was dying for a piss!" Having reached Monument, Mark couldn't hold on any longer and had to exit to street level and relieve himself. "I forgot it was daylight, I couldn't find anywhere to go". Luckily that part of town is pretty quite on a Sunday afternoon and Mark was able to 'duck down an alley'. A lucky break After returning to Monument, Mark couldn't believe his luck when there was a tube waiting for him on the platform. His luck soon changed however when he realised he was heading in the wrong direction. "I never have got that East - West direction sorted" claimed Mark. After that discovery, Marks brain went into overdrive. "I started making all sorts of rash decisions" Mark got off at Algate East, caught the Hammersmith & City line one stop to Liverpool Street, and took the central line to Holborn to get on the Piccadilly line. At Holborn Mark discovered due to signal failure at Earls Court the Piccadilly line was not running. "Shit" yelled Mark. This forced him to think quickly on his feet and catch a further train to Tottenham Court Road, change onto the Northern line to Embankment and then get back onto the District line to Acton. "When I was finally on the correct tube and heading in the correct direction, I felt relieved." This was short lived when Mark realised the time and found out he had missed out on the two-for-one specials, and the free barbeque offerings the Redback Tavern provides each Sunday. Marks feeling of content quickly changed to that of being gutted. Further insult to injury was when Mark finally arrived at the 'Reddy' to discover there was a queue. From the queue Mark could see his mate Porridge cutting his lunch with the bird he had been spading at the Church earlier in the day.  A map of the disastrous route taken by Brown |
| Kiwi traveller gets lost on underground |
Tuesday, 01 May 2001 12:00
