| NEW MEXICO: The family of US marine Private Dale Kowalski are preparing themselves for his funeral sometime after the US forces plan to invade Iraq in February. Kowalski’s unit has recently been posted to the gulf and Kowalski has told his family that there is an 80% chance that he will be involved in the first stages of any conflict.
“There’s no way to dress it up really," Kowalski Snr told reporters outside his Gallup, NM home. “Dale is pretty stupid, so we really don’t think he’ll last long in a real conflict situation. He’s always getting lost, tripping over things and generally making an ass of himself. If he gets put in a combat situation I give him two days max, so we might as well get all the (funeral) planning out of the way now, while I’ve got a couple of weeks off from the filling station.” Although casualties are a regrettable realty in any conflict situation US Military spokesman Major Clarence G. Brown, was quick to point out that in Operation Desert Storm the Allies managed to knock off 250000 Iraqi’s for only 148 US casualties. “I would tell the Kowalski’s to wait ten years before they start planning any funerals,” Brown told reporters. “That’s when the Gulf War Syndrome really starts to kick in.” These assurances were of little comfort to the Kowalski family however. “We kind of get the feeling from Dale’s letters that he hasn’t got many friends in his unit, so chances are one of them will try and pop a cap in his fat dumb ass at the first available opportunity.”  Private Kowalski wearing full protective clothing, despite being told repeatedly to wear them only in the event of an attack |
| US Family Prepare for February Funeral |
Saturday, 01 February 2003 12:00
