| AUCKLAND: Ah Chessmaster 5000 my mortal enemy, prepare to die! Prepare to face the wrath of a finely wired human neural system. I hope you are ready for a good old-fashioned, rats tail in the back of the boys changing shed thrashing. There is no escape. Prepare to meet thy DOOM!
What's that you say? P to K4, eh. Going to try the old Nimzowitsch defence are we? At your peril! P to Q5, B to B4, N to KB5. N to KB5, do you think I am some kind of fool! Do you have no respect for me? Me, your mighty human overlord? I can read you like a book Chessmaster 5000 from Mindscape Industries. You have treated me with contempt long enough. Feel the wrath of my advancing bishop! What's that B x KB5, alright, that is a fair exchange I guess, but look at my positioning, look at my stolid defence and my formidable attacking options. You must surely see that I have rooks and knights to burn. Your time in nigh, Chessmaster 5000, or should I say Chessmaster 500. P to KB4. B x KB4. You think you're clever don't you with your ceaseless permutations and combinations? Well see what you think of this you overblown commodore 64, P x KB4. N x QB2 you've forked me you bastard. Oh that hurts. I should have seen that coming. Well it's gloves off then. No more Mr Nice guy, I won't be holding back any more, you've certainly asked for it now. You may have won this battle you little shit, but lets see who wins the war. Q to R6. Q x R6. Damn. I'm taking that one back. I didn't mean to do that. I wasn't thinking straight after that devious fork. Ok this time, Q to KB5. That's better, lets see what you can do this time. That's it take all the time you need Chessmaster 5000, you are merely a machine after all. You are merely an inanimate object vainly trying to make sense out of an endless array of 0's and 1's. You have no hope of ever finding real meaning or purpose in your soulless existence. Remember that as I punish you for your transgressions you heretic! Pray to your feeble Gods, Pray I tell you! What's this? Q x N. Check. How did that happen? Oh, no you haven't, FLIP. You've got my other rook as well. How the hell did you manage that? It's not over yet, I might still make the line with this pawn. P to K6. Check Mate. Damn. Right no internet for you, you little prick, you're not going off telling your buddies about this loss, not this time. Hear me! Don't think I can't understand that your're skiting when you send all that screechy shit down the phone lines. Don't think I can't see what you're doing you dirty little shit. I'll be back. Mark my words Chessmaster 5000 this won't be the last you hear from me!  Chessmaster 5000. |
| Chessmaster 5000 Prepare to Die! |
Saturday, 01 December 2001 12:00
