| NEW YORK: Philip Morris, the owner of one of the world's best-known corporate names, plans to change that name next year to the Altria Group, company executives said yesterday.
The new name, which is subject to approval by shareholders at the company's annual meeting next April, is drawn from the Latin word "altus," meaning "high," and is supposed to suggest high performance, said Steven C. Parsons, the company's senior vice president for corporate affairs, rather than "nicotine high," or "I've just nailed my second bottle of Tequila" high. The company has taken this action, its executives say, to reduce the drag on the company's reputation that association with the world's most famous cigarette maker has caused. "When people say "Philip Morris," they don't know which company you're talking about," Mr. Parsons said. "We're more than a tobacco company you know, but obviously there are a lot of stupid people out there who don't understand that." "I'm sick of going to parties and people saying "Oh you work for Phillip Morris, you guys killed my Mother, or aren't you the guys that hand out cigarettes in schools in Mexico?" I hope this name change will remind everyone that we not only make delicious cigarettes, but we also market highly addictive Miller beer and the ever delightful Kraft range of family foods and beverages." Longtime opponents of the tobacco industry, however, said a new name would not change the fact that Philip Morris's Marlboro cigarettes are responsible for thousands of cancer related deaths each week. Such remarks are predictable, warned the company's chief executive, Garth C. Jackson, in a message sent out to employees yesterday: "For sure, you can expect there will be some criticism of this proposed change. But I feel very confident that this is the right thing to do, and it is the right time to do it, while everyone is still thinking about that September 11 shit." Parsons was also quick to dispel suggestions that the name change was to distance Phillip Morris from association with blood-coughing cancer patients, "Oh sure we killed a lot of people, but who hasn't? I mean do you think that those Disney guys are guilt free. You'd be surprised how many kids have choked on those little plastic Donald Duck figurines. Thousands," Parsons added. "Don't these anti smoking losers know that they are all going to die anyway? Every single whining one of them." The company hired an image-consulting firm, Gallium Associates, which developed a long list of possible names and helped the company winnow it. Names on the short list included "Consumarc" and "Marcade," both of which carried connotations of the consumer marketplace and brand names, Mr. Parsons said. The corporate practice of adopting vague, faux-Latinate names can help companies shed their image problems, said Michael Hannah, creative director of the New York office of SuperBrand, a consulting firm based in New York and London. "And it's usually a lot easier to get the dotcom without paying a shitload to some wiener nerd." Mr. Hannah, added "Phillip Morris will be doing their damnedest to separate their other operations from their cancer stick operations. You don't want any carcinogenic associated with your macaroni cheese or your processed ham after all."  Altria the new neutral Phillip Morris brand name and logo. |
| Phillip Morris to rebrand |
Saturday, 01 December 2001 12:00
