| AUCKLAND: Air New Zealand Directors have stunned market analysts by investing nearly $600m of their newly acquired government funds into Fitzgibbonson's Patented Fantabulous Gigantulous Travelling Machine.
Directors were confident that although the investment was extremely risky, it was essential for the company to ensure their position in an increasingly competitive global market. The directors decided to purchase the machine from Dr. Clements Archimedes Fitzgibbonson who just arrived in town from up near Petersburger way. Flamboyant sarsaparilla saleman, inventor and one time vaudeville entertainer Dr Fitzgibbonson invented the machine whilst hunting for dangerous Jubi-Jubi's in the deepest jungles of Borneo. Dr. Fitzgibbonson claims the machine not only acts as a transportation device with the capacity to accommodate 200 passengers with a top speed of 300mph, but that during the course of the voyage the machine will act to cure any ailments, ills or tribulations that may be incapacitating customers. All for not one penny more than the price of their ticket. Air New Zealand acting upon a request from Dr. Fitzgibbonson are remaining tight lipped about the exact details of the machine, but it is believed that the machine will operate using a revolutionary type of energy newly discovered by Fitzgibbonson. It is understood that only senior members of the Air New Zealand board and former chairman Sir Selwyn Cushing have seen blueprints for the machine. The rest of the company will have to wait till next Thursday as Dr. Fitzgibbonson has insisted upon waiting for his cheque to clear before he will unveil the machine to the waiting public. Sir Selwyn Cushing for one, is very excited about the prospects for the machine. "In all my years of experience running multi-million dollar corporations I have never been so excited by a business proposition." "At first we were all a bit weary of being taken for fools after the Ansett fiasco, but Fitzgibbonson won us over with his good looks and worldly charm." "I'll go as far as stake my reputation on the fact that as the good Dr says this product will absatablalutely revolutionise the travel industry," Cushing continued. "Even if it can do only half of what Dr. Fitzgibbonson claims the product will secure Air New Zealand's future for this century and even the next."  Business Guru Sir Selwyn Cushing |
| Air NZ to Invest $600m in Fitzgibbonson's Patented Fantabulous Gigantulous Travelling Machine |
Monday, 01 October 2001 12:00
