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It’s Christmas once again – always a special
time of year. If you’re religious, it’s an
excuse to go to church. Politicians can cease firing on
innocent women and children with different beliefs for
a day. Hoteliers can make hoards of cash while women’s
shelters fill to the brim. And here at Spinner, well we
get a month off – which we’ll, like you, spend
avoiding family and pissing it up at various cricket grounds
around this great country.
If, however,
you’re at a loss at what to do this Christmas, do
try these handy tips from us at Spinner. Merry Xmas! 1. Call an old friend out of the blue! Tell them you're keen to catch up and persistently attempt to gatecrash their New Year plans. Use ‘mate’ rather than their name right from the outset. 2. Think about priesthood. The Catholic Church is a great way to meet young people and receive loads of Christmas gifts. 3. Introduce yourself to a South Islander! You’ll be amazed at their often-understandable diction even if the smell of their breath is mildly discomforting. 4. Remember: Giving is better than receiving; though discount this if you’re a hetro male with blowjobs on your mind. 5. Photocopy your breasts at this year’s Christmas party. Your local wacky radio station will think it’s a hoot and call you up mid-week with some zany prank, allowing your friends and co-workers to relive the moment eternally. 6. If you’re male, photocopy your bollocks. It’s a lot safer than getting it on with the office IT girl with the Venetian blinds open like you did last year. Your wife may even think it’s funny. 7. Send Don Brash a comical Christmas card – perhaps one involving Santa coming down chimneys. He doesn’t look as though he has too many friends or chuckles. 8. Mow your lawns! Or pay some local kids fifty cents for the two-hour job. 9. For GE-free food this Christmas, mow your lawns on your belly. 10. Oafish males, divert your lack of rugby knowledge by subversively suggesting to colleagues that a senior worker at your office is a purveyor of the Marmite Motorway. 11. Green supporters can make cheap haki-sacks (footbags) to give away this Christmas out of dried peas and pubic hair. 12. Christians, remind your co-workers about what the season is all about. Not only will they respect your honesty but they may also key your car, put salt in your coffee and contemplate shoving you through the laminating machine in time for New Years.  Merry Christmas from all at Spinner! |
| Spinner’s twelve things to do this Christmas |
Monday, 01 December 2003 12:00
